Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
