This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
