I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
