So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
