That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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