i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
