dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
