She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a search helicopter?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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