In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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