Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
