Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
