Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
