Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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