I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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