I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
