I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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