that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
