Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
