Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
