You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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