why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
