just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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