we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
