I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
