this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
