people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
