My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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