don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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