There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
