If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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