I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
