He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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