I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
