instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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