Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
