My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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