Will you blow on my dice?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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