Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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