He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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