Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
