And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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