had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
