The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize