i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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