Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
