Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
and you fell through a lawn chair
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
