Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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