Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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