First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is Oprah even human
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
