okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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