thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
