I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize