so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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