mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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