That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
