I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
