I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
