Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
