Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
