Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
