Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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