If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
