not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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