We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
