Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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