My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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