ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
