I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
