Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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