So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
