Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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