Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
