I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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