good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
