I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dick very happy bro
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
