My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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