were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
