your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
