dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
