if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
