She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
