3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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