Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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